MY baby girl and I, when we were babies. 

Broskis 

Can’t wait to see you out there! 

I was going for that cool, i’m so low to the ground effect but it’s nearly impossible on a big grey horse like him. And yes, in the background the clock says 7. something seconds. We were going really fast.

Why you fall barrel?

Lenapah Linda. 

and I am oh so lucky. I was devastated at the loss of my previous barrel horse, Lenapah Linda, who I got as a three year old straight off the track. She came to me from Oklahoma and I loved and raised her to be the 1D horse she was. I was so distraught after her injury, I thought I was never going to ride again.

And I searched high and low for a new horse. It came to the point where I’d pay anything for a horse. There was no cap. And still, after riding $50,000 and $100,000 horses, I could not find the horse that clicked.

I trudged my feet home sadly from searching, and it was then when I’d found him. The owner of the local rodeo grounds had been having financial problems and had to sell her horses. We’d originally gone to see a different horse, and when I saw him, I fell in love. 

At 16.1 hands, my big handsome man is perfect. I’m not saying I didn’t have my troubles, because God knows I did. But now, two years later, we’re meshing. We’re doing better. And I’m so happy. I love him so much. And I can’t imagine a world without him and his big handsome face. 

So this post is dedicated to our 2 year anniversary. My handsome has set me a record already, and I love him more than anything else. So happy anniversary handsome, you deserve it.

Give me a reason, to not take flight, not to let go and float into the night.

At 16.1 Hands, this horse will run you into the ground. Given the chance, he will out run every other horse at a lope, his stride is so huge. He’s also the biggest sweetheart I’ve ever met, even if all he does is get into no-good trouble. He’s an over grown pocket pony. 

ERGGG!  normally I don’t post rants on here, but I am going to post one now. Beware, there is a rant coming on:

Let’s get one thing straight, I love my mother. We all love our mothers. She raised me and she taught me right from wrong and taught me to be caring and kind and so on and so forth. But like everyone, they just get on your nerves. And right now, she’s on my nerves.

She doesn’t understand. I can’t get her to understand. I don’t know how I could get her to understand. It’s my LIFE she’s talking about, not some kind of hobby. She thinks that I can just put it on the back burner, like it doesn’t matter, and just move on without it. It being my horses. She thinks riding is just a hobby, that it’s not a sport, an industry or my lifestyle. It’s fucking way of life for me. And I’m not functioning without it.

What I really want is her acceptance that this is for me. That there is nothing else that will make me happier than to be with my horses. She doesn’t get it. She thinks that I can go and do other things and my horse, my living breathing horse can wait. He can’t. And I’m not going to make him. I just want her to see that I’m not like her, that I want to be truly happy with what I do in my life. And all I want is for her to accept it.

But it is so hard. Sooooo hard. She just doesn’t get it. There is no way I can explain it to her without her misinterpreting it. This is my world. This is all I’ve ever known. I can’t just stop and go without. There is nothing else for me. Because I am not happy anywhere else. She doesn’t get it. Or she does but refuses to understand it. It’s like she doesn’t want me to follow my dream and do what I love. And it hurts, really bad. Because all I ever wanted was for her to accept me and I feel like she doesn’t.

But I’m not going to be her, working in an office for years on end, making good money but going nowhere. I am going somewhere and I wish she could see that. But she can’t see it. She can’t see past the money. She can’t get past my worth in dollar amounts. It’s like my dreams are worth nothing in dollar amounts, like she won’t help fund the beginning so she can be part of the end. Instead she threatens. Like monetary value is the only thing I care about. i’m not her. I don’t see in dollar signs. I measure in love. All I want is love. I want to see in love. But I can’t, because she can’t.

That’s really all I have to say. I’m just really hurt right now. My whole life she told me that I would be accepted in whatever I wanted to do, that I could do anything I want. But now that I know what I want she won’t accept me, like it’s a horrible delusion she doesn’t want to see. And it hurts, and it stings because I’m her daughter and I just want to be happy while at the same time making her happy. But I can’t do that if all she wants is for me to do something that I will be unhappy in. 

There’s no comprise for this. :\